Yale Educates The Masses on Cereal

I'm all for healthy eating. I never missed an episode of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, I boycott my child's school lunch program because it only offers junk food, and I strive to eat non-processed foods as often as humanly possible. I read cookbooks and recipes like some people read novels, to educate myself on healthy choices and preparation methods. Still, I've never felt the need to turn to Yale or Oxford Universities for advice on which cereal to buy.

There's really nothing wrong with the information contained in the Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity at Yale University's Cereal Facts website. It's just that they strive so hard to be taken seriously. And, really, they ARE Yale and someone gave them a ton of tax-free cash to eat cereal. That's impressive enough.  But, no, they make sure we know they came up with their cereal conclusions "in consultation with a Steering Committee (note the prolific and unnecessary use of capital letters. Impressed yet?) of experts in nutrition, marketing, and public health."  As if that's not enough to convince you to listen to what they have to say about Choco Puffs, they go on to tell us "the research results are based on the best available data on nutrition and food marketing, specifically, the Nutrient Profiling System (these people should do a study on whether or not the average person puts more weight into the words of Organizations or Processes With Capital Letters Starting Their Names. My guess is that they did, and found the answer is YES).  The NPS was developed by Rayner and colleagues at Oxford University and marketing information from the Nielsen Company (the same people who figure out who watches what TV shows; now that's impressive) and comScore Media.

After reading all that, my main thought was, "Damn, that's a mouthful, and I found myself wondering why they went to such lengths to impress us with how many companies, universities and people (not to mention Capital Letters) were involved in this landmark study that tells us what we already know - sugary, brightly colored cereal is BAD, and whole grain cereal with no animals on the box and a lack of rainbow/chocolate colors is GOOD.

My guess, based on nothing more than my non-Yale educated instincts, in consultation with my Smart Assed Side and a thorough knowledge of the way both non-profit and Corporations All Across America work?  They wanted us to be impressed so we'd stop giving into our kid's cries for Sugar Smacks, but mostly they want that gravy train of tax-free money to keep on rolling into Yale's coffers so they can sit around and do more studies on the bleeding obvious. Maybe next time they can enlighten us on whether hot dogs are good for you or tell the more stupid among us if lard is better than Smart Balance for cholesterol or answer the question that keeps so many of us up at night, wracked with confusion - "Are fruits and vegetables REALLY better for us than french fries?"